It’s almost February! The month filled with hearts and cupids, love and chocolate. How exciting! But wait, Is it?
For many people it is just another day, watching Netflix and maybe eating chocolate, but alone. Indeed, the dating scene can be both frustrating and confusing, but it doesn’t have to be this way.
Several of the single clients in my practice have made a New Year’s Resolution (https://www.schneidercoachinggroup.com/a-new-year-a-new-you/…) to step out and begin testing dating waters after taking some time off. Some clients are dating for the first time. Regardless of dating experience, the main concern is the same.
How do I find the right person?
All of my single clients use dating apps to meet new people. This technology usually creates matches based on profile information. You are familiar with how this goes. Sometimes it’s a great match and other times it’s “How in the world did I get connected with this person?” Technology does the initial pairing, but it’s up to you to fine tune the experience to improve your chances of meeting the man or woman of your dreams.
Your responsibility is to show up without judgment and be open to the possibilities.
Here are some suggestions:
1. Read the profiles carefully, and consider the significance of what the other person chooses to include about himself or herself.
2. Think about how you approach the situation. What do you do to prepare yourself? Are you setting yourself up with expectations that are not realistic for a first date? How much are you listening, rather than looking for things that might be “wrong” with the person?
3. It takes time to get to know a person. Anxiety and social awkwardness can mask who a person truly is in initial meetings. Avoid making judgments around those issues, and look at giving a person a second chance.
4. It’s the responsibility of both parties to be clear about what you each want. Are you looking for a hook-up or something more permanent? Avoid playing games. Be honest and up front. Having said that, avoid revealing too much personal information on the first few dates.
Importantly, be open about how you want to be treated. It can be confusing to try to discern what the other person wants. Many of my female clients want someone to open doors for them and to use manners. How do you convey to your date what is important to you?
5. Know your core values and stay true to them.
6. Be mindful of what your intuition is telling you. Many clients have gotten “red flags” but ignored them because the date seemed just too good to be true or they desperately wanted a relationship. Your intuition is an important tool. If you feel something is not right, listen to what your subconscious is telling you.
7. Keep it drama free.
8. Consider not drinking, or have only one alcoholic beverage. By staying sober you can make better decisions because your inhibitions will have not been affected.
THE DATING GAME
In the ’70s, I enjoyed watching a TV show called The Dating Game. One person asked questions of 3 other people hidden behind a wall. The person then selected who he/she wanted to take on a date from the answers given, sight unseen. It was a lot of fun to watch and cheer for the person we wanted to be chosen. Dating is still a bit like that. You may see the person, but there will always be traits, attitudes, and behaviors that may not become evident until later. We tend to hide things about ourselves that we don’t want others to know, or try to be what we think others want. Be your authentic self and it will pay off. Either the person will like you or they won’t. It’s easier to deal with that from the beginning.
Yes, dating is both exciting and frustrating. Our emotions, past experiences, and self-talk can affect how we navigate the dating scene. Know who you are, be your true self, and be patient with the process.
Want help with relationships and dating? Contact Arlene at www.schneidercoachinggroup.com and learn how you can show up with confidence.